The steel of the ship

People have told me before...not anyone that knows me really well, but they have told me, "Brodrick you have it all together you know what you want to do in life and you love God and your a good person." I usually just say thank you and move forward, because the problems I have are so deeply rooted that I could not begin to describe what's wrong with me. It's time to confess some of them now though, I don't deal with adversity well...if I meet failure I just kind of shut down and I'm not very responsive... I just meet a wall and slump until I can get out of it, and worst of all I usually lose a little faith in God admist those hard times. I won't be very honest about the pain I maybe experencing in that moment either. I don't have a lot of confidence also due to past relationships that have either ended in my partner cheating or just walking away when I thought things were going really well for what I would call no reason. The biggest problem I have is that I wrestle with god and question him way too often with the knowledge I obtain compared to his extensive vast all knowing ability. In other words I refuse to listen him sometimes and when he tells me something I usually ask him, "are you sure God?" How crazy does that question sound? When I'm mad at God our conversations go something like this... why do you allow horrible things to happen to great people and why do you always screw me over and hide from me when I think I've found what I think you want me to do and who you want me to do it with. Notice I said I think a lot in that sentence. The one thing I have discovered though is that I don't matter that much during those prayers because God rarely ever gives me what I'm searching for in those angry talks with him. I think I have developed a little bit of a answer to those questions I have thrown at the heavenly throne all these years after reading Hosea. First thing I want to say is that all men look forward to getting married... Every man does, no matter if they are a slow footed about jumping into the fire or wheather they are scared from a impossible childhood or just has a troubled heart from past relationships. The bottom line is that guys want to find that woman that fits perfectly into his rib cage as if god removed her from him in a reinactment of the first marriage. So when I read Hosea, a incriblely godly man being told by this master who Hosea loves so much that you have to marry a prostitute? Why would you do that to him... Why would you put him in the awful pain of sitting at home alone knowing that the woman meant for him is being tossed from man to man. All while Hosea is at home taking care of their kids and they are looking at him and asking where is momie! Then during the whole story God rarely talks about Hosea, his feelings and what he is going through... It's like Hosea doesn't even matter. Right there, after I finished that sentence it occured to me that we don't matter! That's why bad things happen to great people. God's glory must be met and he needs people who are open vessals that he can pour into and empty out to meet his glory! Hosea relationship with his wife Gomer was a dipiction used by God to show Iseral a sign, to fear what they had done to it's faithful husband (God) but a future of mercey if they want to come home where they belong. If you truely think about it we always win in these situations because Hosea's wife came home to stay, Job life was restored, and Jesus conquered the grave! So the truth is god puts athletes on the field, strecth them to their limits and even hurt them for the good of team Christianty to keep this incrible tradtion going. The reason God choose the best people to do this is because they are usually the only ones that continues to believe in him all the way to the bitter end of pain to be exhalted on the wings of eagles. Just like a stressed, and currently unpopular president said Tuesday night from his desk about American Troops. " Our troops are the steal in our ship of state and though we maybe traveling through rough waters, they give us confidence that our course is true and beyond the pre-dawn darkness, better days lie ahead." Hosea, Job, Paul, Jesus ...All are apart of the stern, hull, and outer edges of this ship of christianty that god continues to steer through the choppy waters of creation and we are just as much apart of it. As wave after wave beat its exterior. So you've heard be a vessal for god but today i'm asking myself and you to be the steel of the ship that continues to right the wrong that this much bigger ocean creates. God bless you... God bless these United States of America and may god continue to impose his painful yet satisfying will on us!