attempted video blog

(I could not get the links or video to work for this blog so if you want to see what I'm talkling about you probably need to paste the link in your url and go watch it....thanks

While leaning on a fence post of upchurch field in the devil's pitt known as Clay County's rival Lineville. I realized between a hurtful text message and a look at the scoreboard that read my beloved panthers were getting beat by 27 in the 2nd quarter that my last semester of college didn't get off to the start I had wished for, its not just those things that have bothered me but between troubles at home and friends with broken hearts its been impossible to sleep, eat, or have a good day. I love The West Wing, its one of my favorite shows and when I watch a show that I like, I try to live it, I try to become part of it, I kind of make it my own. I think thats why we all read, listen to music , or even watch t.v. because those things take us from our own crazy little worlds and relates with whatever were feeling. So this first video is exactly a depiction of my talks with God when I've prayed to him for peace but bad things comtinue to happen. President Bartlet has just lost a woman that has pretty much been a mentor in his life since he was in grade school to a drunk driver in a car crash and is struggling with why all this bad stuff is happening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FScv89J6rro

If your wondering what he said in Latin at the end. This is it
"Am I to believe that these are the acts of a loving God? A just God? A wise God? To hell with your punishments. I was your servent here on Earth. And I spread your word and I did your work. To hell with your punishments. To hell with you!"
The sad thing is thats exactly what I say to God when I think God has tilted the world against me, I wrote a blog not to long ago called "the steel of the ship". I pretty much said that God didn't care about us at all and just threw us to the wolves for his glory. I still believe a lot of what I said in that blog but I feel like I"m missing a large part of the reasons why God do the things he does...Now watch this last part of the same show after the president's spat in the church (that Woman is Mrs. Landingham she is the President's mentor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48LjON9NW1I

The thing about me is that there is no tougher crtic of myself than myself. Its nothing you can say about me thats true that I haven't said about myself already. When bad things happen I just sit here and judge myself about what I did wrong or why this is happenning. Then when I can't figure it out I turn towards God and I guess that he is punishing me for some reason. When the truth is that he is building me to be stronger, preparing me for a time thats going to be much tougher then the one I'm currently in. Thats the other half that I was missing to the whole God throws us to the wolves thing. Yes he does throw us to the Wolves and it hurts as the teeth of life bite into our skin and and our problems surround us like a wolfpack, but we have to stop saying why me and say what are you trying to say God. Virginia and Dan help me realize last night that in our impossible situations that God is trying to show us something through it, not just to punish us or to gain glory, but actually drawing us closer to him for we can't concive or make it on our own understanding when our world is falling apart around us. Rick Warren says it best," Pain warns you something's wrong. Without it, you'd ignore what needs to be fixed in your life.What needs changing in you?" Maybe the reason I can't sleep isn't because of home, maybe the reason I can't eat isn't because of something that happen to my best friend but maybe the reason that my days are harder is because God is wrestling with me about some problems that I have. I have no clever punch line to place here, or no heart tugging line to pull the emotions of your heart written into a sentence to wow you. I just have realness, brokeness, and sadness and in some way I'll be better after it and you will be too if your going through the same thing